Em's Dailies..

木曜日, 10月 19, 2006

Miracles Happen

One of my travel dreams is to go and visit Napa Valley. Sure, it's not your most exciting tourist destination to most but not to my mind. I pictured Napa Valley as a quiet escape from the busy hustles and bustles of life. Napa Valley is a chance to succumb to emotional fatigue and just be carefree. It is a haven for wine lovers such as me. Imagine sipping the most fruity and delicious wine in its very own vineyard, wasting the minutes away dreaming about the very best that life can ever offer. Napa Valley is not the land of dreams but it certainly is an enchanting place to rest weary souls. This place certainly brought back smile on my face. Napa Valley has brought back a certain spark in my dull days. It has made me appreciate the sunshine and a beautiful day. Thanks to my very toxic job I get to travel to places I could only imagine. Somehow I believe that miracles indeed happen, if we only care to look for it. Going to this place, meeting long-lost friends (Lou, Yet,Ivy) and enjoying the company of people I never thought I could spend time with truly makes every boring and busy trip worthwhile. I may have to say goodbye to these biz trips in my next job and somehow, I have a feeling that I would miss spending most of my times in airport beauty salons, hotel guest laundry, buffet breakfast and housekeeping. But let me leave that for a while and savor the day that is now.

# posted by Unknown : 7:54 午前

A Moment Of Contemplation

Best things in life come in small packages. I believe that. To some the most precious moments are probably the most triumphant days in their lives, but to me these are the times you spend with friends. When you couldn't care any more how beaten the road is or how stupid you have become or how gloomy the days are and instead of fretting you just watch the day pass you by. It doesn't hurt to be soulful with your loved ones, it doesn't hurt to laugh a bit more, it doesn't matter if you missed your freeway exit and you drive all the way to nowhere land, it doesn't really matter if you're late because all of a sudden work comes in the way or your children have tantrums or you had a fight with your husband. It doesn't really matter much to be mocked sometimes, because we're not perfect.

# posted by Unknown : 7:45 午前

火曜日, 10月 17, 2006

Snap Out Of It

I have come to temporary terms with myself. It is about time to snap out of this slump and re-focus my energies and remaining strength to what needs to be done.

VBMS Completion, Batch Processing deployment and all the way to proper TOI.
CRM overall project planning and deliverables.
Re-alligning my personal goals for next year.

Sometimes you just don't have any choice but to act your part. This is what the word RESPONSIBILITY is for.

# posted by Unknown : 9:46 午前

月曜日, 10月 16, 2006

411 For My Girl Friends

Since I discovered 8 lumps on both my breasts and have gone thru the emotional drama leading to my confinement and operation at St Luke's ( the best service, surgeon and staff), I have been an advocate of Breast Cancer Education. Although the biopsy reported benign, the stresses and worries that go at the back of a woman's mind and the going to and from the hospital is in itself a life-changing experience. My diagnosis tell me that I should continue to do self-examination and the chance of my lumps coming back cancerous is 50%, such a stressful situation to be in. But I'd very much want to share my knowledge and experience with all my girl friends and all the women in the world. It's ok to be afraid but it's always best to know the facts.

http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/

# posted by Unknown : 11:26 午後

日曜日, 10月 15, 2006

Road Trip To The Napa Valley

Lanye, Liz, Jordan and I went on a road trip to the Napa Valley. We had brunch at Applebees, just in the Sonoma junction. Our chats revolved mostly around migrating in the US. Lanye is very impressed and interested in Amercia. I and Jordan don't share the same enthusiasm. We both rather pick Japan over US. But whereever we decide to settle down we all agree that the decision is not easy and there are trade offs, such as moving away from family and friends, from the comforts of your past life, but it also offers a whole new set of possibilities to grow as a person and form new relationships.

The day's weather was nice and warm enough for wine tasting and relaxation at the Robert Mondavi Vineyard.

Who would miss picture-taking to keep souvenirs especially since the Napa Valley is a couple of hours drive away from Cupertino. We ended up having photo shoots and Jordan was our chaffeur con photographer. I was the only one who had a sip. The bar tender asked me which I brand I'd like to taste and I said anything red. He mentioned the entire list and commented that the Boomerang is nice and spicy. I said I'd have it, he then said I like your attitude~ Hahhaa, I'm really easy as long as it's alcohol!

All in all in all it was a nice and relaxing drive, nice getaway from the pressures of our very toxic professional life. Liz is starting to complain about the demands of our projects. I can't blame her because this is really not the way we're supposed to live our lives.

I sometimes find myself in these situations where I'm torn between dutifully doing my best to motivate my people and to be honest enough to admit that I feel the same way. But the best I can do is try to avoid any conversation that talks about work if we're out to have fun and just enjoy the day that the Lord has provided us.

Mark hasn't given me any updates yet about BMWs position and David is offering me the PM role for the US implementation. Aside from the BMW deal, I have to set my priorities right and stick by them. I just gave a warm smile.

# posted by Unknown : 1:30 午後

Relaxing Afternoon At Santana Row

I dropped all my adult responsibilities yesterday afternoon and just took off with Mariana to Valley Fair and so some shopping. I don't want to think about the pressures of work, I don't want to think about life I simply want to escape from it all. I hang around Santana Row, a cool little place here in Cupertino comparable to Alabang Town Center. Sipped my usual Caramel Macchiato and enjoyed the gentle rays of the sun. It was a nice two-hour vacation. I ended up buying tons of Old Navy autumn collection. My shopping cart instantly got filled up and I haven't even found a good muffler for this year. I even found myself at a Nail Spa with my hands and feet being done by two Vietnamese girls. I almost fell as sleep, oh I really love Salons.

Saturday is touristy day with Lanye, Liz and her bf. I know I have tons of work responsibilities flying at the top of my head but I'm just really tired and I need to get away from it all first before I go back to being the 'good girl' that I am.

# posted by Unknown : 1:13 午前

金曜日, 10月 13, 2006

Forming Friendships

One of the best things about the CRM project is the friendship that I was blessed to have found in some of my colleagues. David, I and Julie started this project and over the years we've been throught the project phase' thick and thin. David took me and Julie to a very famous restaunt. He introduced us to his wife whom he unfairly (but lovingly) referred to as 'fat'. I enjoyed the dumplings at this world famous 'Din Tai Fung' restaurant where apparently Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson dined in once. The food was really good and everything here was done handmade. They have efficient service and evidently over-staffed. The most interesting one was the dumpling with the soup inside of it. It's their trade secret. It's ashamed I couldn't get myself to memorize the name. Another yummy dumpling was the veggie gyoza where the veggie were sliced so thinly and the wrapper was really really yummy. For the first time I associated eating out with heaven! I also met for the first time Julie's husband. Seeing the two of them together so sweet, holding hands, whispering sweet-nothings after 35 years of marriage really warm my heart. I told Julie that I wish I could find someone like that, and she told me 'I'll tell you our secret. You have to concentrate on your career, have time for your husband, go on biz trip so he'll miss you, cook for him, care for him and fall in love every waking day of your life.' Whew! Very well-said.

# posted by Unknown : 4:43 午後

Siebel Analytics Training

I've been to the Siebel Analytics training. It's an opportunity to learn good stuffs from Siebel, to master Enterprise CRM and to build up your resume. I realized that even in the IT industry, product development and innovation is not the name of the game anymore. It's adding business value to an organization, offering total solution delivery - people, process, technology. It's all about selling strategy and not tool. The techie side I didn't benefit much because I've been to Siebel trainings before. It was worthwhile though to be aware of the little add-ons that could potentially tickle your stakeholders' imagination. I would rate our instructor from 1-5, an average of 3. I'd rate the class as 3 as well. And my take-away from this? Siebel certificate, what else?!

# posted by Unknown : 4:13 午後

In-N-Out

Finally American Food! I, Julie and Michael had dinner at In-N-Out last night. 'Twas nice to finally have something American especifically Californian. I'm no fan of burgers but In and Out is really good and healthy. It's the only fastfood restaurant that I know really uses fresh potatoes to make French Fries! They use fresh ingredients and the veggies are really crunchy, yum yum.

Too bad In-N-Out is exclusively found in California alone. The burger patty is really rich and veggies are so yummy! Not to mention that the fries are sweeter. Price is average, not too bad. Which reminds me, I should take Lanye to one of these. I won't allow her to miss the In-N-Out burger experience, only in California!

While devouring our burgers, Julie, Mike and I chatted about the negative side of segmentation and we all agreed that operations should not be segmented.

***

I have a feeling that Julie is trying to get my support so she'll be re-assigned to OHP. I can tell she doesn't have passion to manage the QA team.

***

I'm so envious of Mike's iRobot, an intelligent vacuum cleaner for lazybones like me! Ahahaha

***

Finally, I came face to face with Dave. He looks really good and he'll fly to Taiwan next weekend. Good, good. My flight's Friday and I don't need a perfect excuse not to go to the airport together. I really suck. Hahaha.

# posted by Unknown : 12:33 午前

木曜日, 10月 12, 2006

Modestly aside, I believe editing is an innate talent I have. My first loves include line editing, newsletters editorials, screenplays and poems. I've recently been destressing thru film editing. I love putting the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle and create something constructive, positive and mushy!

With too much to do today, I decided to compose myself first and mess up a badly taken photo of HB. (Turned out great I think)I'm quite satisfied with how this ended up, mostly describing the latest chapter of our turbulent 2-year (has it been 2 years?!) story. Dark but distinct. If this was a painting, I would have loved the way the face is tilted relative to the angel of the eyes. Life's complexity is acknowledged but not questioned. This is his moment here at the crossroad - and all I can do is give him time...

Hmm....I should start my Heart Series again. Oh one hand, nah! Such a shame that I'm wasting away my thoughts on petty stuffs. My dailies are all about mushy stuffs lately. I should be discovering something more worthwhile do to and find my purpose in this world! But I will have my fair share soon. The only other thing I can be proud of myself is providing for my brothers' education. I would give anything for my siblings. Hardly a heroic deed.

On the side

Omi-san is also resigning. Sad thing.
I can't decide where I'm going for my vacation.
I opened my Mixi for the 1st tme in 6 months.
Should I take my brothers to HK this Christmas or not???? Oh, I can't decide.
Have a little goosebump at the thought of facing Dave..hahaha, I don't know how to tell him.
Debating if I need to buy a new camera or not.
The thought that I can be NOT CONFINED in this company is kind of liberating.
Read Ton's blog and wished that I was eloquent enough to say the right words.
Glad for Oggie, seems like he's doing great. I absolutely love his photos.
Looking forward to the catch-up lunch or dinner with Sherwin, classmate of mine in PUP. It's been like 10 years?!
Looking forward to going home....

# posted by Unknown : 1:10 午前

火曜日, 10月 10, 2006

We worked really hard today reviewing Lanye's Tech Spec. This is the first time I worked with
Mike and I think he's great person and really good. A great plus is he's also down-to-earth. I hope there are more of his kind. Certainly not the most exciting thing to do in Cupertino especially at 10pm but as they say, 'Don't Quit Your Day Job!'. I bet Liz is not used to working this hard and this much. I can guess Wilson too.

Today's gonna be a full day for 2007 Planning and the rest of the night will be for completing the Tech Spec review. I'll also give time to VBMS remaining activities tonight. My meeting tomorrow doesn't start until 1pm and I have a small window. Thu and Friday would be solely dedicated to CRM...and I just narrated the remaining days of my usually busy week.

I'm looking at the tourist guides and I'm beginning to regret not staying at least a couple more hours to visit Lake Tahoe. I hope to go to Sta. Cruz this Friday with UAG members and enjoy the BoardWalk there. October's a little bit cold but I want to get fresh air and I hope my UAG children would oblige and endulge me Friday afternoon.

# posted by Unknown : 10:05 午後

It dawned to me that I really look like total mess especially when the US immigration officer asked me yesterday if I were tired. After checking in, I looked at my mirror reflection and realized that I was being totally unfair to myself. I have not been taking care of myself, have not made any effort to even look presentable. Tsk tsk bad, bad!

Things would probably not improve now and I'm gonna be stuck in this situation (and depression) for a while but I've gotta give myself a break. I then made a commitment to myself to smile a little, spend time with myself, go back and work out.

I cannot let all the bad vibes rule me. That's not the Emzi I know. How can I let all these silly circumstances defeat me. I don't have to look like a loser just because deep inside I'm struggling. After my 60-minute workout, I felt a little happier and a bit more alive. I've gotta lose some flabs here and there. I declared to myself. Today's work prevented me swimming time but I'll try to do some laps tomorrow morning. I still need to do tons of work but I have this detached feeling. I have sustain right now, it's an operations error. Strange that I feel really detached....Sure I'll do it, but....I guess I'm really ready to go.

# posted by Unknown : 2:01 午後

土曜日, 10月 07, 2006

My typical day job is to socialize with all these people. Some people think it's cool, I think it's interesting, challenging and intoxicating at times. But I choose to be everybody's wind beneath their wings, I guess I like playing it that way. I don't need to get all the attention, a strange thing to say for someone who's always been under 'scrutiny' and 'limelight'. I am no celebrity but people love talking about me. My fashion, my career, my lovelife. Should I be flattered? To a certain extent I am but I'd rather be invisible. I'd rather wear a mask than expose my deepest feelings to everyone. I believe it's what they call self-preservation.

I'm now struggling against depression. After tomorrow's biz trip, I will be taking the rest of October off, I need time away for myself. HB is hanging in there with me. We also have our problems to deal with. I feel guilty giving him all these worries but he wouldn't allow me to feel that way, we share the burdens together. I'm praying to God that we overcome all these trials and I've been praying for peace. HB has been very patient with me. He's always worried about me. We've talked things through and he supports my plan to resign. He knows that my physical and mental health is at stake.

I met with my agent today and he's told me about the BMW offer. It's a little bit more than what I receive now plus a BMW to drive. Quite exciting huh! But the offer is 1M short of my asking, so I told my agent Mark that I don't want to negotiate. He'll work this one out as I fly to the US. I guess it's good new, then...

Who knows what lies at the end of the rainbow but first things first. We have to move on, no matter how difficult the days are, to get to the end. But angels do really come to our rescue. Mark has been my newest angel, he's a nice person and I guess I'm lucky that the first agent I spent time on is with him. I'm not sure about the BMW offer, it's actually in Chiba. So I'm on the let's wait and see mode.

# posted by Unknown : 4:38 午後

JP-UAG Get Together

Yet another farewell party for a dear friend, a colleague, a very amusing pal and a good member of my CRM 'children'. Tito is leaving us in pursuit of a much more greener pasture. Last night was our little party for him. All 6 of us have been working together for the past 1 1/2 years and I have fondly refer to them as my 'children'.

Funny thing was, Matsuhashi called me on the phone while I was having a meeting with HB. HB said it was strange to hear me talk in Japanese. About 5 minutes after that Matsuhashi just crashed our meeting and sketched where the party's gonna be. HB must have been so surprised and I was so ashamed.

He heard where we're going and looked it up in the internet, and then commented 'I know the place'. It was an awkward comment and I was compelled to ask 'Would you like to come?'. He said no (what a relief!).

These are life's surprises. You'll really never know what happens next - whose lives you're gonna touch and who would carve influences in yours. I guess I am lucky to have found these people who have given me memories that I would always cherish in my heart.

The best of luck to you Tito!!!!

ラベル: party

# posted by Unknown : 11:25 午前

金曜日, 10月 06, 2006

Something To Laugh About

I believe Taiwanese are just as crazy as Pinoys! This is probably brought by the fact that Philippines and Taiwan are geographically close.

These people just looooovvvveeeee talking! They look like they love fun. But, I bet they're not as fun as Pinoys!

Speaking of which, I was going through the very long list of unread personal mails and this forwarded one from Doc Lito about Pinoy Quips and these are the ones that really made me laugh!

"Guys, let's call it tonight!" "When it rains, it's four." "Thanks God!" "Burn the bridge when you get there." "Are you joking my leg?" "It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore." "Well well well. Look do we have here!" "Been there, been that."

I've written nothing but compliants about the tradgedies of my life lately and I really feel ashamed. But really, there's still so much to laugh and be thankful about like today's beautiful weather, brief chats with friends, freebies I get from biztrips which includes traveling, souvenir pictures, extra holidays. Most of all HB.

# posted by Unknown : 3:52 午後

水曜日, 10月 04, 2006

いろいろ

Mizu-san have said goodbye to our company. We're not really that close but we're working on the same project and saying goodbye is never an easy thing for me personally. So today, I've got this gloomy air all over my face.

***

Should I meet Yetyet and Lou in San Francisco on Sunday? I'm actually tired but the other 50% of me is nagging me to spend socialization time with friends and acquaintances for I'm not always given the opportunity to do so.

***

When I'm angry, I can't hide it. I'm just the "what you see is what you get" type of gal.

***

I'm tired questioning.

I'm tiredfighting.

I'm tired trying. I'm tired ignoring.

I'm simple tired.

# posted by Unknown : 2:45 午後

土曜日, 9月 30, 2006

Hello & Goodbye Taipei City

aSherille, Grace and I swept the whole Taipe City and act like tourists! We visited Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Park, a site dedicated to Taiwan's greatest ruler and hero. We also visited the Loshan Temple, quite famous also in Taipei, primarily a Bhuddist country. We then went to New York New York, near Taipei City Hall and had a very hearty American meal.

This small but truly boisterous city is quite tourist-friendly. To begin with there's no entrance fee to most of their tourist destination. The MRT fare is cheap compared to other countries, and eating out is a fun thing to do here. Thanks to Sherille, I've got tons of pictures to show off.

Tomorrow I will go back home. The week has been truly exhausting but it was also a welcome atmosphere change. Frustrating that I'm having such as tough time to open my mailbox and cannot even establish good VPN from this hotel, but this also gave me the opportunity to explore Taipei, enjoy it's food and stroll around. I'm wasn't bothered by the language barrier, "sign language" was OK with me. I didn't know I had that capability and I have learned the word "she she" (thank you in Mandarin). So Taipei, I bid you hello and goodbye.

# posted by Unknown : 11:49 午後

Coming Out Of Taiwanese Gays

I witnessed an interesting rally of Taiwanese gays - male and female alike. I had no idea they were so many in Taipei! 'Twas very lively and entertaining. They were asking me to join them but I kindly refused, I'd rather enjoy the spectacle.

One thing I like about these people is their ability to turn their most unfortunate moment into hilarious ones. You always see them laughing, enjoying the moment and loving whatever life offers them. They're really a tough bunch and I respect them for that. I still believe that marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman, but that doesn't stop me from believing that they too should be given equal rights and not be discriminated against as gays.

There was a 'Come out of the closet' banner and the Sales Guys in one of the outlet stores were pushing one of their colleagues, cheering him to join their cause...for obvious reasons!

Well, cheers to you guys and I do hope you get your message across~

# posted by Unknown : 4:57 午後

金曜日, 9月 29, 2006

At Home With Myself Lately

I have been fighting serious depression these past few months. My battle with depression is really one hell of a ride.I've got my ups and downs, my violent mood swings, not to mention sleepless nights.

HB has been taking care of me most of the time lately, and I have fallen in love over again...silly side-effect.

The challenge with me is to hide this deep depression from everybody. But I have accepted that the world will live even without me, so I finally stopped trying very hard and for a while, just hide from it all. Whether Frank approves it or not, I'm taking a week off in October.

The core VBMS module has been released, this is a breather. Things are slowly falling into places for G1G3.

So many challenges lie ahead. I'm still not cured, but I feel a lot peaceful. The world is not perfect and I'm somehow ok with it.

# posted by Unknown : 8:25 午前

水曜日, 9月 27, 2006

Taipei At Last

Most people are surprised that it's my first time to visit Taipei. I had a couple of surprises - food is great and I can actually pretend that I understand Chinese! Ahahaha. It's really tough if one doesn't understand the language and culture. But so far, Taipei has been pleasant...

Of course first thing that I visited was a spa. It was nice and accommodating. Then I went shopping in one of the night markets here. I can say they were good bargain. And then there's Taipei 101, the tallest building in the world. I got a different impression of Taipei from a view from above. Taipei is industrial, proud, illustrious and very Asian.